Published January 27, 2009
Find the key,
to my heart,
and please don't try to break it.
Open the lock,
think about,
what would happen if you dropped it.
Now decide,
what you will do,
with your fragile token.
Keep it safe,
throw it away,
but remember, the lock is still open.
So if you,
don't want my heart,
seal it away,
don't break it apart.
Don't make me hooked,
Don't make me wait,
give me back the key to my safe.
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140,905 Literary Works • 673,714 Reviews
Hi, writing!
I have to say that this had the best rhythm I've seen in a while. I love that.
Anyway!
I like this stanza, but I think if you added an 'it' to the end of line two, it would be better. It would also improve the rhythm.
I like this too, Just add a word at the front: 'but'.
This is your ending line and I thought it could be better. This poem goes by quickly with the rhythm it has, so work with it. I think it would be really cool if you made a line that slowed the poem down. Mess around with it.
Overall: I liked this poem, I loved the rhythm.
Sorry I hadn't much to say, but, this was good.
---Jon---
I like her username
It's original
It's an awesome username. What's your problem?! Insulting my username openly and publicly. It's a bit ironic that you posted it on a poem about love and kindness!
And look up the word threnody. You'll find that this name is quite sensible.
Peace, Love and an angry glare~
Forever Threnody
P.S. until you're nicer you don't get any sugar packets.
That was cool. I agree with Forever Threnody (What kind of username is that?). It has an awesome rythm. And yes, the poem was simple yet wonderful. At this pace you're gonna be a poet. Have a nice day!
Thanks!
Very simple yet charming. It plays with the century old concept of the "key to my heart" It is a bit cliched but I still enjoyed reading it. It had a pretty steady rhythm and a nice format. That's about all I can say. Nice job.
Peace, Love, and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody